Buzz Kill....

Every time I steal honey I break into hives...

Dude, I'm Cooked!

Interesting tidbit about prep cooks: Both when gainfully employed, or begging for money on the street, income is derived from panhandling.

I Can See We Are Going To Get Along Swimmingly!

Every time I meet new people, my eyes swell up, get scratched, and become extremely painful. This keeps happening.

I finally went to my doctor. She suggested I stop adding people to my contacts.

Swimming Bits

I hired a new pool guy. I came home, and saw that there were a bunch of computer cases at the bottom of the pool. I asked him what what up, turns out he is dyslexic. He said he was adjusting the HP level...

But can I still use my Bing Crosby pillow cases?

I've  uncovered the secret behind knowing everything there is to know in bed! Use Google Sheets!

Take two and call me in the morning...

A husband and wife needed a little help with thier intimacy, so they scheduled a session with a couple's psychiatrist. After listening to them describe their issues,  the doctor had an answer.
"I can tell you still love each other very much. What you need is a break from the ordinary.. something to spice things up.  I'm going to prescribe you Kitchen Sex."

"We need a perscriprion for Kitchen Sex?" asked the wife. "I'm pretty sure that's going to be available over-the-counter!"

Lunch issue resolved...

I had some alphabet soup for lunch that did not agree with me! I literally just got done flushing D-N-S....

Is that for gargling?

I am comparing one of my New Year's Eve jokes to my Summer's Eve joke, but it's turning out to be a wash...

0 to Pissy in 8 Seconds!

I was calmly reading a book about the history of Dodge trucks but got instantly hot when I flipped to the Ram page!

We Gotta Bleeder!

Why did Santa grow a beard? When he shaved, he got tired of the daily St. Nicks.

Rocket Flush

What do residential plumbers and rocket scientists have in common? I.C.B.M.'s.

I Promise I'll Pay You Back...

After getting stiffed for the check on her third date in a row, Susie, a teacher, was especially frustrated having to deal with yet another unfunded man date...

Peelin' Out

I participated in a race sponsored by Fruit of the Loom. My best times were recorded during the Banana Splits...

Taking candy from a baby!

This is Jenna's joke: what do you call an evil baby company? Grrrrrber!

Bargain-basement Books!

I am reading a great book all about basements. I picked it up because I saw it on the Best Cellar's list!

I can share pictures of bat poo!

A lot of school districts are now moving to and leveraging Google Apps for Education. Great stuff. I just read that a bunch of zoo's from around the nation are forming a coalition petitioning for the creation of Google Apes for Education. That's totally bananas.

Relax Tax Man!

More stories are being uncovered about the IRS.. they also apparently target massage clinics, which are notorious for owning back taxes....

Eat On The Run!

I was wandering around a local college campus this summer, and came across a 'Cannibals Anonymous' group. They were very warm and friendly towards me, even after I explained I had never been a cannibal. Apparently they really do like meating new people...

My Crunchy Queen!

Q: What's the difference between playing chess and sleeping with a crouton? A: When sleeping with a crouton, you always wind up with a stalemate.. #jdvjokes

Lamb Chop! Lamb Chop!

Friday Nite! 6:PM to Close! Lamb Chops! All Ewe Can Eat!