Startups can be hard!

At first, they didn't think Viagra was gonna make it, due to poor initial results from the soft launch... #jdvjokes

Now That's Organic!

I got distracted while gardening and wound up soiling myself! #jdvjokes

Wow That Latte Smells!

I read an article about the Dutch Brothers. Growing up, the had to share a room. So THAT'S where Dutch Ovens came from! #jdvjokes

Why the long face?

I frowning uses more muscles that smiling then excuse my while I exercise. #JDVJOKES

Gettin' Buzzed...

My buddy Ken went into this new tavern run by insects, and wound up going home with bar bee.

Bless.... you?

I got stuck on an elevator next to a huge scab that would not stop sneezing. I finally offered it some scar tissue....

Crazy Grass

I was reading this news story about a jail cell that was covered with hay. Apparently, this straw had caused a lot of trouble the previous night, so much so that it was currently being held without bale.

Making a Balloon Payment

Why do balloons only shop in mega-stores? The last thing they want to do is go into a Mom and Pop.

I'm Logging In!! I'm Logging In!!

What's the difference between CTRL-ALT-DEL and an orgasm? CTRL-ALT-DEL takes three fingers to get ON...

Random Kick

Did you hear about the all blind soccer program? So there IS no eye in team!

Sticks To Your Ribs

Got a call from the school nurse: My kid was stuck to the wall again. I told him not to wear that heavy metal shirt, it's a magnet school for crying out loud!

May I Cut In (to you)?

I waltzed with the bacon, did the tango with the T-bone, and the two-step with the porter house. Man, I love Meat Balls...

Best. Grass. Ever.

Read that it was Hug A Vegetarian Day! Drat.. none around me... I guess I'll have to go hug a grass fed cow... then eat it.

I Like It When You Talk Clean..

If I ran a dental office, I'd hire a front desk person named 'Gene'. Cause then there would be a LOT of people saying, "Hi Gene!". And I'd probably snicker.

DAMN RIGHT I CAN LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP!

And in other news: Area health officials became concerned when growing number of men started visiting their doctors, complaining having to rush out of bed to the bathroom due to urgent urination issues and being 'angry as all get-out'. Further analysis revealed all of these men had recently purchased memory foam mattresses from the local super store over the holiday weekend; leading to the condition now dubbed as 'Temper Pee Dick'.

Code Dump!

Developer: "Man! I have been coding non stop! This week, I have been doing nothing but living, breathing, and eating HTML!" Friend: "Are you peeing HTML?" Developer: "Uh, not yet?" Friend: "OK Good. Let me know if you do, I know a great URL-ologist."

It's All Relative....

Oh I get it... Mother Earth and Auntie Gravity...

Calmer code?

If your browser is freaking out from too much hypertext, navigate to ritalin.com

You're it!!

Some say there are no new ideas... Take 'hash tag'... college kids have been doing that since the 60's....

Shaken, Not Stirred

James Bond's tuxedos: That's no cummerbund, that's a Q-cummerbund...