Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Close Cut!

I went to one of those hair cutting shops that serves beer.. I wound up getting buzzed...

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Friday, August 21, 2015

Arg Matey These Prices Are High!

Why did the captain with the pegleg always pay full retail?

Because he wasn't a whole sailor!

Help for the Homeless

The city of Portland is earmarking a one million dollar project to provide resources for the homeless.. great news! The tough part for the web presence.. should they leverage SOAP or REST?

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Jacob, John and Josh agree!

I met some nice folks who just so happened to be conjoined triplets. We had a great conversation, but it was odd how they kept referring to themselves in the third person.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Buzz Kill....

Every time I steal honey I break into hives...

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Dude, I'm Cooked!

Interesting tidbit about prep cooks: Both when gainfully employed, or begging for money on the street, income is derived from panhandling.

I Can See We Are Going To Get Along Swimmingly!

Every time I meet new people, my eyes swell up, get scratched, and become extremely painful. This keeps happening.

I finally went to my doctor. She suggested I stop adding people to my contacts.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Swimming Bits

I hired a new pool guy. I came home, and saw that there were a bunch of computer cases at the bottom of the pool. I asked him what what up, turns out he is dyslexic. He said he was adjusting the HP level...

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

But can I still use my Bing Crosby pillow cases?

I've  uncovered the secret behind knowing everything there is to know in bed! Use Google Sheets!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Take two and call me in the morning...

A husband and wife needed a little help with thier intimacy, so they scheduled a session with a couple's psychiatrist. After listening to them describe their issues,  the doctor had an answer.
"I can tell you still love each other very much. What you need is a break from the ordinary.. something to spice things up.  I'm going to prescribe you Kitchen Sex."

"We need a perscriprion for Kitchen Sex?" asked the wife. "I'm pretty sure that's going to be available over-the-counter!"

Lunch issue resolved...

I had some alphabet soup for lunch that did not agree with me! I literally just got done flushing D-N-S....