7.5 Mile....

I just bought Eminem's new album but it melted in hand befor I got to my car :(.

Kick That Ringer!

I made a mobile out of cell phones for my son's crib, and was so proud of him when he made his first bootie call!

My Teacher Bites...

I signed up my dog for school and he literally became the teacher's pet....

La-hooo, Sa-her...

So I stumbled across this new antisocial networking site and saw that it could only have one member....

Workin' it!

I laid on the floor, and balanced a 6-pack on my abs for a few minutes...

Mom, Dad, Toot....

Anyone else find it a bit ironic that palindrome spelled backwards is emordnilap?

Here Fishy Fishy Fishy...

So I am gonna sign up for some how-to fishing videos. Today's lesson is baiting. The class is gonna be taught by a certified Master Baiter - apparently, he is so good at it, if you follow his techniques, you don't get the smell of fish on your hands.

Hee Haw!

Q: Why couldn't the donkey talk?

A: Someone glued his ass cheeks together!

Lazyboy 4th and 10...

So I was driving home and saw a bunch of furniture playing football. Sure enough, there was an armchair quarterback...

99.9% Up Time... In Your Pants?

"So why are you wearing two pairs of underwear?"

"Oh, I'm into high-availability and reduncancy... you know.... panty RAID."

Can you hear me now?

Computer Support Line:

"So you still don't hear any sound? OK... what color is the port that the speakers are plugged into....Blue? That's the microphone.... move it to the green port... that worked? Great! So the reason you did not have sound is because you were a jack off..."

You gonna finish that?

A couple of horses went to eat lunch. One says to the other, "Can I borrow that bag of oats? I forgot my lunch."

The other replies, "Sure... but I'd appreciate some feedback."

Hike!

The other day I saw a bunch of furniture playing football! And I am not even joking there was an arm chair quarterback....

Achooo!.com

I filmed myself getting a cold, posted it on YouTube, and it went viral...

Mathew, Mark, Luke John, Romans...

So this teen boy was at Bible Camp, and used a body spray, which got the girls all riled up. His counselor pulled him aside and told him that the spray was not appropriate for this camp. The boy responded saying, "But Sir, it's Acts..."

All hail!

Q: Look through history, why no kings named Joe?

A: How could you ever be taken seriously if you were Joe King?

Burning time...

So a Swiss watch factory burned down, and the some of the folks died. The autopsy revealed it was due to second-hand smoke....

Sleepy...?

User calling Support:
"My Mac as fallen asleep, and won't wake up."

Technician:
"Is it a Snow White...?"

Survey Says....

The makers of Viagra put out a survey to see if there was any need to develop the drug. Turns out, a lot of men responded to the quick pole....

Slurp...

Q: What's the best way to eat Alphabet soup?

A: With a U-tensil